Sometimes I feel so inspired by music. Recently my inspirational music has been Fall Out Boy’s newest album, Save Rock and Roll. (You can now listen to the whole album streaming here). At first it was "The Phoenix," partly because I had just finished an image with phoenix. Now the song on repeat is the title track, "Save Rock and Roll." 

Listening to their words, beats and chords I just get this feeling in my chest that permeates my entire being. The sensation is all about having hope and never giving up. It tells me I need to keep creating my artwork and sharing it with the world, even if “the world” right now is only a few people. Unfortunately, I often feel like giving up. But music often renews my passion for my art. And interestingly, although Save Rock and Roll and The Phoenix do this, the music does not have to be ANYTHING to do with being inspirational, metapoetry (poetry about poetry), or related to fantasy or visual art. It’s just something about their combinations of words with the music that does it. And, of course, Patrick Stump’s voice doesn’t hurt.

Even being newly inspired, I am having some issues getting back into working because I have so few photographs left to work with. Below are two images of the early process of  that I still have left, in the early stages of my process.

But really, I need to take some more photos, and like ASAP. I am thinking about doing a series of images focusing on characters performing some sort of rituals, although I’m not sure how that will take shape just yet. It's still just vague ideas bouncing around in my head. Often I find it works better for me to just get some people in costumes and shoot.  I rarely know exactly what I want to create when I start a shoot. Sometimes I know what kind of character I want to depict, but beyond that, I let the model experiment with poses and emotions while I capture what they come up with. 

I do need to take a few more photos to go with my Circus story, but I think either I (or my partner) will model for those. My story is almost done being edited. I’m still waiting for my editor-in-chief to give it back to me…but she just gave birth to her second child, so it might be a little while. Keep looking out for more updates about it!

The last few weeks has been very trying. I worked really hard to finish the illustrations for Neil Gaiman's A Calendar of Tales project (if you haven't heard of this, check it out here). I was very happy with how they turned out. My favorite is to the left, and it was for the August tale. These were my first real attempt to use my mixed media art style to illustrate another writer's work. I found the experience quite interesting and inspiring. Plus, it was a really exciting contest. Neil Gaiman would actually be looking through the entries and choosing which illustrations would be published with his short stories. Thus, the prospect that Neil Gaiman would be looking at my artwork was thrilling in and of itself. And if my work got selected? It would get published! And not just published, but published in a book by Neil Gaiman!! I was so excited about this, I could barely contain myself. I told everyone I knew about it-posted the images on my Facebook page, even wrote about it on this blog. I got a lot of responses from fans. A few said they thought my submissions were way more sophisticated than some of the other pieces. So, extremely excited, I waited patiently to hear back. I figured it would take a few weeks for Neil Gaiman to sift through all the entries, so I wasn't worried when I hadn't heard anything by the end of the week. 

Late Saturday night, I was scrolling through my tumblr trying to make myself be tired enough to sleep. Still curious about the Calendar of Tales project, I searched for it as a tag. The first post I see is one by an artist who had submitted a piece to the contest. Underneath their artwork, they state it has been "shortlisted." The following posts that I find are all similar; posts by artists excited that their work has been choosen as a finalist by Neil Gaiman. One even posted the e-mail they were sent. With a sinking heart, I realize that I did not receive any e-mail like that...meaning none of my works were selected as finalists, meaning Neil Gaiman looked at my work. And he didn't like it. 

Needless to say, I got terribly depressed. I've never been terribly good at rejection, but this was worse. This felt personal. Maybe because I love Neil Gaiman's work, or because I felt close to him through social networking, or maybe it was just because I actually knew who was judging my work. Either way, I was crushed. So many emotions ran through me that night. I felt as if my heart had been broken, as if I had lost a friend. Neil Gaiman, who I look up to as a master of the fantasy world I am trying to belong to, saw my work and did not like it. Or, I suppose, liked others better than mine. With this single decision, I felt as if all my hopes of becoming a successful fantasy artist were foiled. It was as if Neil Gaiman himself was telling me to give up. 

Now, even at the time, I knew all of those things weren't really true. But snapping myself out of this emotional turmoil was tough. However, I did recover, in thanks to my wonderful partner, Serena, my best friend Erin and my cousin Jenny, among others. Through their support, I was able to remember that one rejection does not mean failure. As Erin messaged me:

So after a few days of depression followed by encouragement from my family and friends, I am back to working. I will not give up. This opportunity was not a complete loss. He may not have chosen my work this time, but that doesn't mean he hated it. And even if he did, there are people out there who will (and DO) like my work. I will keep creating and I will keep pursuing my vision. 

To end this entry, I'd like to quote Fall Out Boy's newest song, "The Phoenix." which has become my mantra for the past few days. I find it fitting, too, that it has the same reference to this mythological creature as the August Tale, by Neil Gaiman.